NICK OWEN ON THE TVAM SET, CIRCA 1984.
NICK OWEN: (TO CAMERA) Good morning, Britain. And welcome back to TVAM.
NICK STARES INTO THE CAMERA. HAS HE FORGOTTEN WHAT TO SAY? IS HE ABOUT TO SPEAK? MAYBE HE'S TRYING NOT TO FART? WHAT'S GOING ON?
NICK CONTINUES TO STARE, UNLFINCHING, RESOLUTE, INTO THE CAMERA. IT IS THE REMORSELESS GAZE OF PREGNANT POSSIBILITY - STARING, AND STARING, AND STARING, AND STARING.
HE REMAINS STONE STILL, AND AS THE STARE GOES ON, WE SEE THERE IS LIFE IN HIS EYES AFTER ALL. NOT A DISTANT, FADED LIFE, BUT A COILED AND SMOULDERING INSTINCT, HELD IN STASIS LIKE AN ANIMAL LAID IN WAITING.
AND STILL HE STARES, HARD AND FAST INTO THE LENS LIKE A CONSTIPATED LASER BEAM. AND AS THE APPREHENSION AROUND HIM BUILDS, THE CAMERA SHAKES SLIGHTLY AS IT'S OPERATOR FLINCHES IN SOME AWKWARDNESS, PIERCED BY THE EERIE GAZE OF NICK OWEN...
...WHO STARES, AND STARES, AND STARES. WHEN WILL THIS END, THIS CEASELESS, CHILLING SCRUTINY, THAT STARES, AND STARES, AND STARES FAR, FAR BEYOND OUR BONES?
SUDDENLY, ONE OF NICK'S EARS FALLS OFF ON TO THE FLOOR, WITH A SOFT THUD.
HE BLINKS.
NICK OWEN: (SURPRISED) Oh, I'm sorry about that viewers... Seems my ear's just dropped off.
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