Once upon time, Guinness commercials were a thing to marvel. But, no-one bloody notices them noadays. They're all just formulaic variations on a theme...So welcome to a brand new part of the blog entitled 24 Scripts For A Guinness Advert: Preludes and Fugues. Like J.S Bach and his Well Tempered Clavier, I'll be writing 24 different scripts for a Guinness ad, each corresponding to the major and minor keys of the chromatic scale. Each script will be in two parts: a prelude and a fugue. This'll happen each day/week/whenever I can be arsed.
So as classical form dictates, we'll start with a simple one: Prelude No.1 - Cmajor
A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR. HE HAS SLAPPED-DOWN HAIR IN A SIDE-PARTING AND WEARS HIS TROUSERS SLIGHTLY TOO HIGH ABOVE HIS WAIST.
MAN: I'd like a drink please.
BARMAN: Certainly, sir. What would you like?
MAN: I think I'd like... a pint of Guinness, please.
BARMAN: Of course. I'll just fetch you a glass.
THE BARMAN DISAPPEARS FOR A MOMENT. THE MAN WIPES THE BAR WITH HIS FINGER FOR DUST.
BARMAN: There you are sir, how's that for you? (HE PRESENTS A PERFECTLY NORMAL GUINNESS GLASS)
MAN: That's lovely, thank you.
BARMAN: Oh, good. Well that was easy wasn't it.
THEY BOTH LAUGH UNNATURALLY.
THE BARMAN BEGINS TO POUR THE GUINNESS.
BARMAN: You had it before then, Guinness?
MAN: No. Never. Never ever ever.
BARMAN: Oh. (PAUSE) I think you'll like it.
MAN: Yes. I hope so. It looks fucking tasty.
THE BARMAN GRINS AT HIM AS THE PINT SETTLES OUT
BARMAN: It's just settling.
MAN: Oh.
BARMAN: Come and watch if you like.
THE MAN STEPS BEHIND THE BAR, AND THE TWO OF THEM PEER INTO THE GUINNESS.
MAN: Gosh.
WITH A FLOURISH THE BARMAN PULLS THE FINAL DROPS OF GUINNESS INTO THE GLASS.
BARMAN: Theeeeere, you are sir.
MAN: Oh. Thank you.
THE MAN RAISES THE GLASS TO HIS LIPS. HE HESITATES, LOOKING AT THE BARMAN, WHO GESTURES AT HIM ENCOURAGINGLY. NERVOUSLY HE TAKES A SIP, SAVOURING IT AS IT GOES DOWN.
MAN: Oooooh, I say. That really is something special. Mmmm.
THE BARMAN RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AND ROLLS ON HIS HEELS WITH PRIDE, PATTING THE HANDPUMP WITH GLEE.
CUT TO: EXTREME CLOSE UP OF GUINNESS.
(END)
Just wait till we get to D-minor!
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