Thursday, 31 March 2011


I don't live in New York, or have access to Sloan Fine Art. But thanks to Mrs. Internet I can enjoy these beautiful paintings of the kind of 70s computer geeks that probably created her in the geeky comfort of my own home, many thousands of miles away.

And so can you.

By the very talented Mr. Jonathan Viner.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

News from The Drum: Shit agency's self-aggrandising wankpiece backfires

By The Drum's usual correspondent, Possibility Throat

In a predictable yet oddly unsatisfying twist of events yestermorn, attempts by absolutely bloody awful regional agency, Corporaserve Catalogues, to make a public stand about something nobody gave a shit about were met with widespread derision by Drum readers.

The article, which bleated on about some shit like the amount of time that shit agencies waste chasing quotes from shit printers to serve shit, low budget clients, made some really obvious points about how Corporaserve might solve the trifling hardships of their shit agency.

Meanwhile, this was all done in lengthy, rather pretentious fashion in an attempt to appear dynamic and forward thinking on the off-chance that a potential client would be reading their shit article about a shit agency in a shit regional trade mag. But they weren't. The only people who did read it were the financial directors of other shit, regional agencies who had their own fucking problems anyway, and about a thousand frustrated creatives who have to work for shit agencies like Corporaserve and are sick to death of these cunts speaking on their behalf, like some embarrassing parent doing a comedy fart in front of their girlfriend.

Needless to say, a predictable backlash ensued within the comments section of The Drum. As anonymous creatives spewed hilarious and deserved insults toward Corporaserve's lazy publicity attempt, pious do-gooders came forward under their own names to say the same old mealy-mouthed bullshit about the state of the industry and saying how cowardly the creatives were for not putting their names to anything even though that would so obviously be a fucking stupid thing to do, since it's only the ever the bosses who name themselves on The Drum is n't it. Indeed, some of the bosses even went as far as publicly disagreeing with Corporaserve, but "totally respected their opinion" which was just a veiled way of admitting that they'd also said some pretty stupid shit in The Drum in the past, and were reserving the right to do so again.

Unfortunately, The Drum has received no reports of any sackings or suicides resulting from the backlash so far.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Look on the bright side...

Dear Advertising,

I know I've been hard on you recently, mocking your incessant chatter and sagging breasts, telling you that you're slowly, sadly, turning into your shrieking fucking mother after all, or even worse - your fat passive aggressive sister with the mad bovine stare. But I only said those things because I love you, and I want us to be happy together.

So let's put those last few blog posts behind us. It's sunny outside. Don't think about those bad things anymore... Not even the embarrassing state of The Roses nominations. Think about the good things in life. Like A Hawk & Hacksaw. They're playing Islington Mill next month. Would you like me to take you..? You would! Great.

Oh, I love you Advertising! Just don't bring your mother.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

How to get a job in advertising: Part 2 - Appendix

Remember what I was saying about agencies developing "cultures" yesterday?

Well watch this and tell me that that is a good thing. Go on. Tell me. I'd say culture aint just ordinary at IAS. It's positively fucking banal.

How could they possibly think this was a good idea!? You want us to think your work is comparable to that of the Romans, an empire famously NOT BUILT IN A DAY, yet you only seem capable of spending -what?- 2 minutes preparing a "KnowHow" video about your expertise!?

Well, thanks for that guys. Thanks for driving yet another six inch nail into the gaudy, thoughtless, and weirdly pretentious coffin of what was advertising. You stupid, stupid, sad, horrible I don't know whats.

(Thanks You Know Who You Are for bringing this to my attention btw. Don't worry, they won't think for a moment it was one of their own employees ;-) )

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

How to get a job in advertising: Part 2

So a couple of weeks back I did How to Get a Job in Advertising: Part 1 (you can read it here). The idea (as always) was hopefully to make people snigger a bit, but also to question not just of why people want to work in the industry, but also how they want work in the industry. Which is to say, how juniors/grads/creatives go about landing themselves a job. Do you blog, tweet, buy a checked shirt, join D&AD, make up scam ads, pull a stunt to get your book in somewhere, network, tweet, re-tweet your blog, blog about your mate's tweet, pull another stunt...? Because getting a job anywhere nowadays (even somewhere crap) seems to have become an almost endless juggling act of self-promotion; of appearing permanently connected and invaluable, whilst seeming potentially capable of the most unlikely, game-changing creativity at any given moment.

But can a creative ever really be everything to all men, and to all agencies? Especially as a graduate. 

Well, lets start at the start.  With a wee history lesson.

The initial idea of a magic bullet-type, all-singing, all-dancing, all-rounder creative first appeared about 5 years ago - around the same time Web 2.0 caused everyone to become a "New Model Agency" overnight. "Digital convergence" suddenly meant that art directors who had spent years honing their eye for detail, crafting images, accentuating lighting and gesture, now had to widen their remit to plug a perceived skills gap in things like viral film making, and understanding how teenagers used MyBooks and Faceblogs. Because from now on our ideas would be crowd-sourced, and our creativity democratised. What's more, the roles within the new model were no longer going to be clearly defined. Since we'd all be collaborating with clients, the public, and each other, we needed to be flexible and nimble, ready to react to new challenges, and new audiences... But then, that was all just seeming and self-promotion too. Wasn't it? Because all the "new model" talk was just a big fat arse-covering exercise for an industry suddenly unsure of how a lot of new technology might pan-out.

So, in an uncertain market exactly who do you employ when you're not entirely sure of what it is you're meant to be good at anymore?

Cue the hybrid creative: a nebulous, jack-of-all-trades with a (nevertheless) hugely effective finger on the mysterious pulse of a fickle public. Part copywriter, part planner, part suit, web-designer, tattoo artist, film-maker, water colourist, pastry chef, and (usually) snowboarder, the idea of the hybrid creative doesn't just represent value for money, able to turn their hand to any new brief in any new media, they represent the ideological apotheosis of the new model: the ad agency no longer as a business, but as a culture, populated by the great creative minds of their respective Renaissance. And as agencies hedged their bets trying to recruit these Renaissance men and women to get them through the uncertainty, they simultaneously propagated the myth that these rounded, worldly individuals, with diverse interests (er, like snowboarding) where already within their ranks, as the very cornerstones of their new cultures.

But as the great sociologist Raymond Williams will tell you, "Culture is ordinary".

To be continued...

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Cat Fucker

Yeah, yeah, yeah everyone loves this. But they were bound to. It's W+K innit, the Man United of advertising. They do everything right don't they. Show you a good time. Make you smile, make you laugh, make you fee-al goooood. Not like those other ads. Singing their URL at you, making you feel dirty. Making you feel stupid. These guys treat you right, show you respect. You wanna hang out with them. Be like them...

Ooh, you love all this. Especially in ad land. Makes you all hot. Gets you all horny, looking at that Facebook page... Of a cat. What will you do it? Tweet it? Or poke it!? Yeah - go on! Poke that cat uhh! Prove how much you fucking love it, and poke that goddamn cat! Right on it's beautiful fucking whiskers...




Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Friday, 4 March 2011

Something for the weekend

Friday off?
Lucky you.
A long weekend and a day to yourself...

Bit of housework
Bit of toast
Bit of Facebook
Catch up with a friend
Or (that reminds me) family
Must phone your brother
Not seen him since... god, was it Christmas?
Mum's birthday soon
What you getting her?
Go for a meal?
She liked that place
The one last year
I'll speak to dad
Or you can first
If I see him before you...

Anyway, got to dash
Nipping out shortly
Some bits and pieces
Bit of shopping
Bite to eat
Won't be long
Just nice to be out
Not stuck in work
Do your own thing
Nice big wank
Maybe a Lemsip