Thursday, 3 June 2010

News from The Drum: Pitch jeopardised by ECD's Aston Martin, handmade cowboy boots, and whiff of "Cheshire Cheese"

by The Drum's new business beast, Frisky Chunks

Ramsbottom: Plans to advertise a new kind of sausage were put on hold today as Bill Crayons, MD of "The Big Fat Lancashire Sausage Co." failed to be impressed by a presentation from Manchester ad agency Thrust Communications.

It's understood that Crayon's invited Thrust to pitch for his business after being recommended from a man he met in a park whilst his dog was having a shit.

Crayon's told The Drum, "We're a small business, with a relatively small turnover. However, we've got a great product, and we're ambitious. We're passionate about bringing the Big Fat Lancashire Sausage to a much wider audience.

"But having never used an ad agency before, I didn't really know what to expect, and you know what these creative types can be like...

"Anyway, when this prick with an Aston Martin and a ponytail turned up, and starts banging on about his experience and his team... Said he was the executive creative director or somethingorother? I thought this all means bugger all to me, mate. Next thing he gets all these scrappy bits of paper out and tells me he wants £25K for a drawing of a smiling pig. I said, Christ almighty, I suppose that's where all this came from, pointing at his Barbour jacket and cowboy boots, and he says -with no fucking irony- 'Nice arent they, they're handmade, from a little shop in Wilmslow' then he starts asking me what car I drive, and telling me about his house in Alderly Edge and the poker club he's in in Sale.

"Well, if you think I'm paying some tasteless tuppeny millionaire like him to piss all my money away on Range Rovers for his wife and designer doorbells you can think again."

When asked about the impression he may have given his potential client, ECD of Thrust, Mike Toshkindale explained: "Whilst I'm clearly no stranger to luxury brands, neither are my friends, neighbours, or my friends wife's neighbours and husbands. Advertising is all about perceptions. And I'm no stranger to those either. I see perceptions every day. In brands. On shelves. Or on the faces of my poker buddies. And anyway, that Aston Martin is two years old. People need to stop thinking about the short term. Which is why we're always looking to future at Thrust, and why we're all so xcited about this recent push for new business - about paying off my ex-wife, and getting Georgia back into private education."

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