Worse Than A Cunt

Hey there Wembley, it's Bono here, smearing myself all over the telly like a madman soiling his cell.

Actually, no it's not really Bono. It's just me, putting words into his mouth. It's easy to do you see, because he's completley hollow. You can put any old shit you like in there, and when it froths out... everybody listens. It's amazing! People just sit and watch in awe as he pukes and cacks out all this garbage. Like, I had this shed full of sentimental cliches I couldn't ever bring myself to use, so I took 'em down to Bono and dumped 'em in his gob. 12 months later, they burst out all over his new record along with a load of other people's rubbish too. Unbelievable!

You know, I once went to Rome to watch the Pope having a poo and it was n't half as profound as people thought it might be. In fact, it wasn't profound at all. It was just banal. And quite unpleasant if I'm honest.

And that's what it's like listening to Bono: It's like watching a religious man having a great big smelly shit.