Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Do It Like Dad

A family eating their tea infront of the TV. They have just seen the new "Do It Like Dolmio" ad.

MUM: Win a holiday to Italy, eh? That sounds nice.

DAD: Wha?

MUM: Says you can win a holiday. On the telly.

DAUGHTER: Duh. Not on the telly, mum. On You Tube.

DAD: Wha?

MUM: Eh?

DAUGHTER: You need to go on You Tube to win the holiday.

DAD: On wha?

MUM: You What?

DAUGHTER: On the internet. You film a video and upload it.

MUM: To the internet?


MUM: But it's full of.... perverts, the internet. (shudders) I'm not doing that.

DAD: Don't be daft, woman. They would'nt put it on telly if it wasn't safe, would they. (To daughter) Would they?

[Daughter shrugs - "How the hell should I know?"]

DAD: Come on, then! I'll do it. I'll win us a holiday.

MUM: But you don't know what you're doing, Steve. You're 45 years old. You'll look ridiculous.

[NOTE: Is it me or this turning into an episode of My Family?]

DAD: All right, all right. Less of the old, thank you. Now do you want a holiday or not?

MUM: Not if I have to live with the shame of -

DAD: I said that's enough, thank you Cath. Now come on Becky, go get your laptop and let's make a video.

[NOTE: It is isn't it! I'm not doing it on purpose though. Honest. My Family is obviously just what you get when you throw something down in 5 minutes]

DAUGHTER: You're not using my laptop.

DAD: But -

DAUGHTER: Seriously dad, you fucking embarrass me I swear I will never speak to you again.

MUM: Come on Steve, leave it. Forget about the holiday.

(He tries to appeal to them by pulling an Italian face and waving his arms)

MUM: It's not going to work, love. Your impression is shit.

DAD: But someone might like it! The voters..? On the internet..?

(Mum and daughter shake their heads plaintively)

DAD: (Defeated) Oh, I suppose your right. My impression is shit. And I can't work the computer on my own... But - hang on! Becky, you're brilliant at impressions. And you can work the computer. Why don't you win us a holiday?

DAUGHTER: Do I look like the face of fucking Dolmio?

DAD: Come on. It'll be cool.

DAUGHTER: Is that what you think of me? I look like a fucking puppet? Is that what you're saying!?

DAD: No, I -

(Daughter storms out, slamming the door)

MUM: Just leave her. Come on. Finish your meatballs.

(They continue to eat)

DAD: This sauce is nice. What is it?

MUM: Lloyd Grossman.

Experience the futility for yourself at:

No comments: