12 Days of Cackmas (work in progress)

Day 1 (Cackmas Eve): AM: Shopping with zombies. PM: Bit of turkey, fair amount of scotch.

Day 2 (Cackmas Day): AM: Usual. PM: Usual

Day 3 (Cackmas Day Part II): AM: Stress, stress, cooking!, fucking stress. PM: Drinking, serving drinks, dishwasher, drinks, dishwasher, dishwasher, dishwasher, drinks, fucking cheese, dishwashser.

Day 4: AM: Hoover, tip, more hoover. PM: Unblock drain, swear, buckets.

Day 5: AM: Tip again, buckets AGAIN!, swearing, dial-a-cunt. PM: Scotch, Modern Warfare 2, cheese.

Day 6: AM: Drain plus cunt plus girlfriend = fighty tears

Quality Street Awards 2010

Ladies and very gentle men, we are pleased to announce that entries for the first annual Content Flavoured Trousers Quality Street Advertising Awards are now open.

The Quality Street Awards seek to recognise the very best and rarest of talents within the advertising industry, without charging you any money at all to be nominated. The Quality Street Awards are open to anyone who works in advertising in the UK. Players must be over 18. Judging takes place some time in the new year, but we'll stick a picture up of Dave Trott looking fat and interested or something to help you pretend he's judging it. Placings are as follows:

Gold = Green Triangle
Silver = Caramel Swirl
Bronze = Coconut thingy

How to enter: Choose a category from the list below, place your nomination/link/whatever in the comments box, and the fat picture of Dave Trott'll be in touch!

Categories:

1. Best Advert By a Man Called Dave/David

2. The Nice Award for "Yeah, nice stuff"

3. Most Expensive Load of Bollocks

4. Most Christian Sounding Blogpost by a Planner

5. Least Creative Director

6. Best Brew by a Placement Team

7. Most Worried About Their Appearance

8. Total Cunt award for the Biggest Absolute Shitting Bastard

9. Weirdest Headline (on a poster on a bus or train)

10. Best Nomination in a Self-Nominated Category

UPDATE: We've just confirmed that along with the fat picture of Dave Trott, we've now added this fat picture of Charlotte Church to our judging panel. Get in!

All I Want For Xmas

Introducing Brass Hero: The Cor Anglais Edition the hardcore brass and woodwind simulation game.

Play as all of your favourite trad ensemble intruments as well as your favourite period and European horns. Including:

-Cor Anglais
-Serpentine
-French Horn
-Flugel Horn
-Bass Clarinet
-Tuba

Features 25 cornet solos and over 60 traditional Polish wedding mazurkas!

Coming Soon: Ultimate Band Leaders - Glen Miller Deluxe

Elf & Safety

IT'S CHRIIIIIST-MAAASSS!!!!

Title Cancelled Due to Weather

Excellent post hither from the behemoth of good sense, The Ad Contrarian, concerning the origins of our common enemy - marketing agency bullshit.

And just to prove I understood it, here's a civilian riff along the same subject: Mr. Stewart Lee, taking the piss out of brand values. Superb.

The Drum's Impenetrable Headline of the Day: "Hats Acquire Not Affect PR-TV Stepping Bid Tilly"

The Drum's business insider: Big Chief Snake Laughter

Chestershire: Rumours aghast like great pillocking sod machine while east wind thick with news that Shiela Notty of PR press release like sausages agency is make agressive offering to business upon business like man's hat agency Tilly Associates.

Bid big news say industry mouth men. Many women tread road like bear to work PR sausage press, but Notty walk along TV river, wash feet in London first.

To appease Gods, Tilly expect wolves by dawn.

10 Christmas Ads I'd Love to See

1. Erm...

2. Maybe one with...

3. Um...

4. How about a big... er...

5. Some starfish...

6. Or, er...

7. With a song?

8. And then there's...

9. Um...

10. Oh, who gives a fuck.

A Prod & A Wink

I went here yesterday and had a nice chat with this man. It was a genuinely lovely day, and along with Iain, I'd like to thank the following people for making it such a memorable day:

- The woman who's cat (yes! a fucking cat!) didn't stop mewling all the way down from Warrington to Euston.

- The twat in cowboy boots outside Rough Trade who let me and my mate openly take the piss out of him.

- The friendly Scottish gentleman on the train back who told me a joke that was both historically accurate and unrepeatably obscene.

- Last of all, the good people of Virgin Trains who despite being grumpy, unhelpful, and expensive did at least get me there on time. For once.

So a Merry Christmas to you all. Well, except to you Mr. Cowboy Boots. We couldn't have been more sarcastic frankly, you self-regarding tit.

Join In

Hi there blog-hounds. Sorry for not posting these last few days, only I've been real busy NOT THINKING ABOUT ADVERTISING of late. Still, I'm sure you lot will have made up for it, cruising the web for other people's work to slag-off anonymously in a comment box, as though you'd never be so crass and unsophisticated as to deliver a piece of work that does all the dumb things clients ask you to do, and the context of which you have no knowledge of anyway because you work in your agency and not the one whose work you're pointlessly sniping at like a jealous neighbour, because that's just intellectually lazy, right? and goes totally against the principles of the seasoned Anonymous Commentator.

But as I say, I've NOT been thinking about advertising of late. So I haven't even seen this ad...


...which is as well because the consensus is it's absolute fucking dogshit, as opposed to say, just a really shit angle to try and sell.

So, once again apologies for the lack of posts. I'll try and think really hard about some adverts over the coming hours and share with them all with you without my name on them.

A Christmas Gift To You All

What's that Santa Claus, someone's spiked your drink!?

Hang on a minute, that's not your drink - that's your drink.

Who's supped my Babycham then? And who's is that mulled wine? Jesus, we better get you a taxi, mate.

Doh, if only he'd marked his pint with a beermat or something before he got too pissed.

Come on, big man. Let's get you home and check you haven't been interfered with...

Presenting the Content Flavoured Trousers Christmas Party Ale Guard and Beermat!


This attractive, high quality beermat is easy to use, safe to carry and fits under and over virtually any Christmas drink. Including:

Sherry
Egg Nog
Creme de Menthe
Mulled Wine
Ginger Wine
Fruit Wine
Port & Brandy
Snakebite!

Printed on whatever card your printer uses, the Content Flavoured Trousers Christmas Party Ale Guard and Beermat is not available in the shops. To recieve your Content Flavoured Trousers Christmas Party Ale Guard and Beermat for FREE, simply click the image above, do "save as" blah blah blah.

Please enjoy responsibly.

History of Ad Agency Websites Course Classroom Change

The History of Ad Agency Websites course has been moved to next week. The faculty apologise for any inconvenience this may cuase.

Course notes for the first session can be found below. Notes for the second session are currently being re-edited in light of recent research. We aim to ensure all of our courses are of the utmost relevance to students, and we hope this will provide an even fuller understanding of this fascinating subject.

Regards,
The Dean

Before We Had Photoshop