Tuesday, 24 August 2010

10 Things To Include in Your Retail Ad

1. The cheapest, nastiest stock photography you can muster. That way eveything "must be seen to be believed!"

2. A massive number in the middle of the page

3. Exclamation marks after everything! Everything! Cos when we say everyhing! we mean holy fucking shit EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! Like we're insane.

4. Literally anything that could be contrued as a benefit. For example, "4 recently re-pointed walls full of bargains", or "Come and see our photocopier!"

5. A sun, snowflake, leaf, or chicken depending on the time of year...

6. ...And a headline relating to it. For example, "Nailing down prices this Easter", "The Christmassive Sale!" etc.

7. Mention the time. "NOW ON!", "Starts Friday", "Please God, Must End Soon"

8. A weird/pretentious positioning line that doesn't really work - "Sentimental about prices", "Good things come to those who save", "Valuing your life".

9. If possible try and squash a coupon in there somewhere. Next to the map and the 6inches of T&Cs

10. A logo that's at least 25 years old


Sell! Sell! said...

Very good.
It's vitally important to mention that the promotion is NOW ON, because consumers, foolish as they are, might imagine that you are advertising your promotion at a time when it isn't on.

John said...

Quite right. Do you think I should've put map nearer the top? So they don't get lost.

John said...

You know the more I think about it, the more I'm worried we should make the map bigger.

These offers are SO amazing people could become disorientated.

Sell! Sell! said...

The first rule of advertising is the map can NEVER be *too* big.