Monday, 16 August 2010

10 things I'd do to Fiona Bruce apropos of blokes always saying they'd "do" her

1. Fatten her up

2. Make her do Antiques Roadshow in a MASSIVE clanking suit of armour

3. Take a good foot or so off her

4. Use as voiceover for erectile disfunction clinic ad

5. Project silhouette on to blind as burglar deterrent

6. Make her and Nigella Lawson sprint round a cake

7. Airbrush face on to truck

8. Use face as Japanese opera mask

9. Dress up as Jill Dando

10. Make her and the BBC News team do a Comic Relief version of "Saw" with Huw Edwards wearing the skin of George Alagiah next to Fiona who's handcuffed to a radiator, whilst Bill Turnbull and the rest of 'em are systematically executed in "hilariously" apposite ways, for example stung to death by bees, or turned upon by an actual bull, you get the idea, and now for the weather etc.

1 comment:

Leon said...

Yeah, like to fuck her from behind whilst she holds onto an Art Deco style copy of an Oscar and polishes herself with it. Trouble is she looks like my cousin.