Equal Opportunities

Apparently everyone reads my blog. Even clients. So in the interests of equality and inclusion, and in the hypocritical group-hug spirit of the Olympic Games, here's my little tribute to social diversity.

So. Sit back, forgive your enemies and put prejudice aside (but not so far aside as to exclude it altogether) and enjoy The Nigger Of Dibley.


LORD SHUFTY IS DRINKING PORT IN HIS SALON. THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

LORD SHUFTY: Who the blazes could this be? It's gorn 8 oclock.

LORD SHUFTY OPENS THE DOOR. ON THE DOORSTEP IS AN ENORMOUS BRAIN HOLDING A SUITCASE.

BRAIN: Lord Shufty? I'm Eleanor - your new nigger.

LORD SHUFTY: What! The new nigger you say? We weren't expecting you until Thursday. Well, you'd better come in. I'll have someone help you with your luggage. (HE RINGS A LITTLE BELL. A NEGRO FOOTMAN APPEARS). Ah, there you are Paddy. Would you be good enough to take this nigger's bag over to the ghetto.

PADDY: Certainly m'lud.

TOM TAKES THE SUITCASE OFF THE BRAIN AND LEAVES.

LORD SHUFTY: Good workers the Irish, eh? Anyway, do come through. I'll get you a drink.

BRAIN: Thank you m'lud.

LORD SHUFTY: So, how long have you been a nigger then? I must say I was a little disappointed to learn you were also a woman. Still, its the modern way I suppose.

BRAIN: I'm just flattered you chose me, m'lud. Being a giant brain and a woman can be a bit of a setback. But to get a job as a nigger in a place like Dibley is just a dream come true.

LORD SHUFTY: Good. Well, its nice to see a nigger with a positive attitude. Come on. I'll introduce you to my wife, Lady Andrew. I'm a bender and she's a pikey. You'll get on like a house on fire!