As Thomas Mann might have said, it is with the utmost emphasis I wish to assert that it is not out of any desire to thrust my own person into the foreground that I offer a few words about myself and my circumstances in preface to this account of the life of the (late?) Guiseley based brand design consultants, Elmwood.
What does all that mean? Well, it means that... -Hold on, no. I'll change voice again... -Imagine I'm Edgar Allen Poe now, or H.P Lovecraft. Imagine there's a bit of a Vincent Price thing going on...
...Well dear reader, it means that I speak of nothing less than madness! -Madness, I tell you! For the very fabric of reality lies at our feet in the most diabolical of ribbons, torn asunder by the icey hand of Satan. And now as I flounder through these fragments, I know I must piece together this monstrous puzzle and try to make sense of these unspeakable events.
Reader, it begins with a name: Elmwood. Yes, Elmwood. And perhaps it is The Fall of The House of Elmwood I speak of? For doubtless the Elmwood's were indeed a great, great family. From Leeds and London; Caledonia and the Commonwealth, the Elmwood's prospered. And yet...
...And yet as they regaled me Thursday last with tales of their success, no sooner had I shared their joy than the memory did at once evaporate. It vanished, I tell you! Memories came and went like horseless carriages, and solid moments crumbled before my very eyes! Imagine my dismay at such seeming devilry. As I laughed and loved one moment, I sat hollow and homesick the next. What supernatural horror could this have been? What un-nameable evil would toy so wantonly with my perception? How do I explain this ungodly act of prestidigitation?
Basically (this is my normal voice now by the way -ahem-) me and the LOVE cats sat through a brilliant little presentation by Elmwood on Thursday. I can remember lots of nice work and lots of big clients: The RAC, The FA... something to do with the Met Office... erm... (it's getting a bit hazy)... Christ, maybe it was the booze..? No! Hang on! I remember the stuff they did for that tanker company. I saw it on their website before I headed over there... It was... -No! Wait! Shit. It's not there now! Where did I see it then..? What about the FA stuff..? -Eh!? That's not there either. Whatthefuck..? Have I just made all this up? Surely not? I know they say good design should be seemless, but invisible too..? This is weird...
Tell me I didn't make it all up. Tell me I'm not mad. (In the voice of my tiny-head-on-a-fly's-body) Help meeee... Please... help meeeeee....
(I can't even find any of their work on t'internet..!)
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