Mouse Tail

Remember when this blog was actually about copywriting? (Those were the days...)

Anyway, I was flicking though my old Lewis Carroll omnibus and found the "Mouse's Tail" from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Published in 1865, this has to be one of the earliest examples of concept led copy, ever.

Brilliant.

The Flumps (re-visited)

Here's a bit of good old fashioned (is there any other kind?) nostalgia for you, inspired by the music from the latest Auto Trader ad no less.

Here's me doing my Flumps impression. Why not try it yourself, at home, at work or -like me - in the bedroom?

Help!

As John, Paul, George, Ringo, Slanty, Wonky and Sad Eyes once said: Help!

Doing this Liverpool gubbins I was talking about last week. I'm in the process of putting together a piece about Liverpool's seemingly non-existent (or at least completely shit) creative industry. Any opinions, insights, contentions on the subject let me know.

And yes. I know Black and Ginger have opened a London office... (whatthefuck!!?)

Q: Can Advertising Save the Honeybee? A: No you cunts.

Just read this egregious load of rubbish in The Guardian.

To paraphrase, Haagen-Daaz amongst other people are running customer incentives based on the recent plight of honeybees around the world.

As a beekeeper myself (don't laugh) this is a subject very close to my heart. I was kinda in two minds when I read it, but in the end I have to say that this is sooo fucking shit and cynical -the work of an utter cunt no less- the kinda thing that gives the industry a bad name; what a solicitor would call "ambulance chasing."

So, no. Eating American fucking ice cream isn't going to save the honeybee. If however you do want to save the honeybee -and you should!*- then please go here for a start.

Right. That's my Geldof bit out the way.

* I'll bore you with the details when I've got more time.

A to Z of Advertising (first in a series)

A. An award for an ambitious art director at an agency of arseholes.

(If anyone wants to illustrate these for me then let me know. -I mean, I'd do it myself obviously, but I'm meant to be working...)

Found A Job...

... sort of.

Believe it or not actual living people with eyes and heads and minds and everything do actually read this blog. And one of those actual living people has asked me to do some work for him as a direct result of the very same half-baked brain-poo you lot are reading riiiight... NOW!

So there you go. Blogging actually works. Good, eh.

So what's the gig? Well, ok - I admit, Fallon haven't just given me the Cadbury account. And in fact it isn't really anything to do with advertising. Or design. Erm, or branding either.

No. Yesterday I had a very lovely chat with a man I'll refer to as Dave X. (His name isn't a secret, it's just I want to spare him the torment of his Google/Blogger alerts going off each time I mention him). Anyway, Dave's taken over as the editor of this (presently awful) website and the (nowhere near as awful) magazine that accompanies it. Said magazine is the listings/lifestyle/gubbins/guide to Liverpool 08 etc. It's owned by TrinityMirror and part funded by the Culture Company-dudes. Under the previous editor the mag slid into a kind of ersatz Cheshire Life territory with lots of ads for hairdressers and wedding frocks, and didn't really have a great deal to do with...erm... culture. But now Dave X is in charge, it's his job (and now mine!) to sex it up. Dave's plan is to turn it into Time Out - slick, indispensible, whistles and bells you motherfuckers.

And where do I come in? Well, primarily, I'm gonna be covering one of my favourite subjects... comedy! (not least since I was -embarassingly- a stand-up in a previous life.) And beyond that... who knows? Maybe some feature articles about all kinds wacky Liverpool shit! Maybe I could write an article about that tramp(?) who smokes cigars outside Jackson Canton solicitors office... or "Chicken George" who used to drink in The Grapes... or 10 Things To Do With Your Old Kenny Dalgleish... or Jan Molby's Horoscope Crossword...

It'll be brilliant. Just you wait and see.

So today, I'm a journalist. Maybe tomorrow I can be a postman?

Ace!

Hello. I'm drunk.

Yes. That's right. I am drunk. Drunky drinko woo-whaa, in fact. I've gone and been proper be-pisseded up by my flippin' old local. 'Tis the 13th Eagle and Child Beer Festival no less!

Hic.

(So here's an illustration: a picture of me drunk on my birthday from a couple of weeks ago... as you'll observe it's still daylight then as well... it's not an especially embarrassing photo, I admit. But I am/was VERY drunk indeed at the time it was taken... maybe not as pissed as I am now though...



...Ever been sick on Nelson's leg? Ever thought about being sick on Nelson's leg? Then the Jeremy Kyle Show would like to hear from you...)