Thursday, 1 October 2009

Sometimes My Mind Wanders

Just imagine if Jesus had been really, REALLY fat. Like, Jerry Springer fat. Fat enough to take up 3 seats on a plane. Fat enough to fuck up a bus.

Imagine his mum telling him to get that pie in him. You'll never grow up to the be the son of God if you don't finish that crust. Then imagine the Last Supper being like a child's birthday party, with fizzy pop and ice-cream and Big Fat Christ smashing cake into his chops with jam all down his chin.

Imagine the Romans calling in re-inforcements - 4, 8, 10, 12 of 'em, all heaving and straining to get the cross up. One of 'em does his back in, another one moans about getting chocolate on his nails... Then juuuust as they think he's up - CRUNCH! the cross breaks and big old blobby Jesus goes bouncing on to the floor...

What a palaver.


Pieman said...

ooo... can i play? As a kid he'd turn water into wine gums.

John said...

... And DIDN'T feed the 5000, and scoffed it all himself..?