At least once a week I seem to get sodomized by a train. I don't mean properly up the arse or anything (that'd be stupid -duh!) I mean I get well and truly buggered-up by late running public transport.
Whilst it's customary to blame Maggie Thatcher, I also blame all the lazy, ignorant, fuckwitted, insect-people who operate the trains.
So. Next time the train's running late because you or one of your colleagues hasn't done what they were supposed to do, rather than burbling your illiterate, nonsensical explanation into a broken tannoy, why not just do something that's explicitly futile. For example:
- Release a dove of peace at all the stations affected by the delay
- Play "Shiny, Happy, People" over the tannoy
- Offer passengers one of your Lockets
- Hold a minute's silence
- Do a Tommy Cooper impression
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