Ignorance is Bliss

Whilst the donkey sanctuary people have me hawking clotted cream from the back of a mule round the champagne-stained gutters of Wilmslow, I often find myself daydreaming about advertising.

I had a really fucking odd daydream today. Only, I realised it wasn't a dream at all. It was this.



That's right, it was all about this singing prick in a German car, dee-da-da-da-da, denying reality, tra-la-la-la-li, talking to the Jews -I mean the SHEEP- in the butchers van... from inside his HAPPY GERMAN car...

(No, no, no, that's not a jackboot on my face. It's a lovely soft pillow...)

Wilmslow NEWSFLASH!

A man slowly and conspicuously driving a black Ferrari through the streets of Wilmslow this morning caused not a single person to bat an eye-lid. However, the secret wave of fear and anxiety subsequently unleashed by the driver has caused incalcuable damage to the souls of those in the immediate area.

A helpline has been set up to offer support to those affected by the Ferrari: 0898-BUY-VEUVE-CLIQUOT-FUCKING-HANDBAGS-AND-SHITE

Cheshire Life

Some more incredible facts about Wilmslow.

Did you know there are more wedding dress shops in Wilmslow than anywhere else in its right mind?

And did you know the average house price in Wilmslow is available upon application?

It really is beautiful here. Like the population of Monaco had been forced to terra-form Mars amongst the mutants. A tupenny millionaire's play-pen no less.

How do I get to Mornington Crescent?

This is bloody ace, this is.

Why?

Because it's both subversive and cute. Like me on Christmas day.

Seriously, the potential for this is massive...

Actually no, I just realised terrorists might use it.

Ignore it. Don't touch it. Don't even look at it.

(Would'nt last 5 minutes on the tube would he. Or would he? So many questions!!)

Something For Everyone

In Wilmslow the Cartier shop is opposite Greggs the bakers.

So careful not to get pastry/jam/shit on your diamonds.

10 Imaginary Ad Campaigns I'm Really Enjoying and Subsequently Blogging About

1. The new teaser ads for Stigma biscuits (must be the best product launch ever)

2. Heinz "Werewolves" (blood and guts made from spaghetti/beans and sausages!? Why didn't I think of that!?)

3. Dulux "Watching paint dry" microsite

4. Comparethemerkin.com (that talking cartoon genital really keeps the brand feeling fresh)

5. The launch of Cynical Smoothies (Great use of copy: "Yeah, we're a rip-off. But so what, it's a free market. We're loads cheaper, mate. You wanna drink that hippy stuff, go ahead.")

6. 118-118 doing a variation of Paul Simon's "Call Me Al" video (actually, I'm not enjoying this at all cos I thought it was inevitable)

7. Lurpak "spreading themselves" around Facebook

8. Those invisible Optrex ads

9. That Coca-Cola ad that looks (unintentionally?) like a sexy, Mormon utopia

10. That Legoland/Lego men "flashmob"appearing overnight on the floor of the Turner Room at the National Gallery.

Fucking YES!

Just YES. That's all I say.



NOTE TO CREATIVE DIRECTORS: Next time a client says they want to aim something at a teenage market THIS is how you do it. For example, the new Vimto ad. Mischievous bits of fruit at fairground: Wrong. Robotic bits of fruit with guns in their tits: Kerrching!