First Draft Classic Ads No. 1: Yellow Pages

FIRST ATTEMPT

[AN ELDERLY, TWEEDY SORT OF GENTLEMEN ON THE PHONE]

MAN: Hello? Yes, I wondered if you could help me. I’m looking for a book called "Hartley's Illustrated Dictionary of Sexual Perversion"

…

You do! Oh, wonderful. Could you save it for me?


My name? Yes, it’s J.R [COUGHS NAME] .

SECOND ATTEMPT

MAN: Hello? Yes, I wondered if you could help me. I’m looking for a book called “Fist Fucking, by J. R Hartley”

…

You do! Oh, wonderful darling! Could you save it for me?

My name? Why, it’s J.R Hartley of course! [SQUIRMS WITH DELIGHT]

THIRD ATTEMPT

MAN: Hello? Yes, I wondered if you could help me. I’m looking for a book called "Fly Fishing, by J. R Hartley"

…

You do! Oh, wonderful. Could you save it for me?

My name? Yes, it’s J.R Hartley [WINKS AT CAMERA] .