Advertising Feature

Watermelon House women's refuge and outreach centre offers support, advice and safe-house accomodation to vicims of sexual and domestic violence within a 185ft, prize-winning watermelon.

Created by the Women's Institute champion grower of Great Britain, Hazel Gathurst, Watermelon House provides over 34,000sq ft of mouthwatering counselling suites, juicey secure quarters, and succulent creche facilites.


If you would like further information about Watermelon House, please call 0845 7777 77777.
Watermelon House is a registered charity (no. 245567)

Patrons

Ian Botham and Sir Annie Lennox

Oh, Captain Peacock, Wendy Richard Is Dead!

Back from hols and this is the face I'm met with over on the BBC News site.


Could'nt help thinking though... Is she really dead or did someone just feed her after midnight...?

Get Your Lego-ver

T'interweb's full of Lego renditions of stuff - my favourite being the astonishing Lego Bible over at The Brick Testament.

On the other hand, here's something a little more prosaic - I LEGO NY. Not quite New York made out of Lego. Rather... well, you get the idea.

My Caribbean's A Little Rusty

Look at that face. It's the face of 198o's breakfast television.

It's also the face of wanton excitement being suddenly bummed (savagely) by anxiety and trying very politely not to spill its wine.

You see, I'm suddenly/unexpectedly travelling to Tobago(!!!!!) this week. And whilst I'm pant-pissingly, dance-to-hold-it-in, cross-eyed with excitement, I'm also shamefully, hopelessly ignorant about the place. My understanding is that it's the one part of the Caribbean that isn't full of loud, fat white people with shiny menus. Annoyingly however, that also explains Tobago's dearth of solid, impartial information on the internet.

So far, I've learnt that Tobago is good for:
-Rum
-Parrots
-HIV

Bad for:
-French wine
-Skiing
-Overcoats

So. Anyone ever been to Tobago then..?

(gulps wine and smiles like a neurotic housewife)

Try It At Home

Remember that Pringles ad with the geeks playing the "Star Wars character name generator" game? (Apparently, you take the 1st 3 letters of your last name, add the 1st two letters of your first name, then add the first two letters of your mother's maiden name, plus the 1st two letters of the town you were born. Then you remove a letter to make it sound cool).

And remember the porn star name generator game? - the name of your first pet, plus your mum's maiden name.

Well, if you mix the two games together... it makes the name of a Guardian columnist!

Look. My Guardian name's: Coulton Godjocob.

ABOVE: Polly Toynbee, social affairs correspondent.

This Is Not Art

Jesus! There's an elephant in the room!

Really? Where? Which gallery is it on at?

No, no, no. I said it's NOT art, you dunce. It's a metaphor. A metaphor for something really fucking obvious that no one ever seems to acknowledge.

Like what?

Like the fact that advertising is NOT art.

Eh?

I said: Advertising. Is. NOT. Art.

How dya mean?

I mean that even though advertising uses many of the same methods, skills, crafts, and even language as art... erm, it isn't actually art. Even if an ad behaves like a piece of art...

It's still not art. And even though making an ad can feel like making a piece of art...

Advertising is not art.

So for all those "creatives" who veraciously and vociferously complained to Scamp about his creative agency "heat chart" the other week, and who felt slighted or disappointed that their agency wasn't creatively "hot", don't worry.

That chart was the elephant in room. Because that chart showed us all, once and for all, that advertising is not about creativity. It is about competition.

Which is why advertising is not art.

Advertising is a sport.