FX: BAGPIPES, DIAL TONE, FROGS, THAT SORT OF THING.
MALE VOICE OVER –
A BIT RESONANT YET ALSO REASSURING, BUT NOT THAT SEMI-SCOUSE BLOKE OFF THE
SANTANDER ADS AND EVERYTHING ELSE AT THE MINUTE. OH AND DEFINITELY NOT SEAN
PERTWEE. I CAN’T STAND HIS BREATHING.
MVO:
Balls. (Very deliberate pause) They catch your attention.
Don’t they? (Make actor raise eyebrow, and quizzically pitch voice). Because
saying balls (which must be unnaturally emphasized on the B), or any other single
word on its own, will give those balls (with a capital B) gravitas (which will
get changed to “stand out” by the client). No matter whose…. (no, don’t
pronounce the ellipsis dickhead, it’s just to indicate rhythm) balls they
are.
SOARING SENTIMENTAL MUSIC FADES IN – PROBABLY ‘FINGAL’S
CAVE’ OR AN UNLICENSED RIP-OFF.
MALE VOICE OVER – SHIFTS TONE TO PATRONISING FOR THE PRODUCT
DESCRIPTION.
MVO:
If you’re thinking about balls, it’s time to stop whatever,
and start something or other (opposites are fun and catchy! Say them with a
smile). For as little as fourteen ninety-nine a month (typed out verbally so we
can time the read- through) you can get free balls delivered absolutely free
(confirm offer with client). Just call
us now on (confirm number with client) or visit us online at (confirm URL with
client). That’s (repeat the number) or (repeat the URL).
MUSIC CUTS – CLUMSY SPLICE OF END OF SONG ON TO END OF AD.
