Does Humour Belong In Advertising?

Well? Does it? Hm? Does it?

No, 'course it bloody doesn't. Advertising's about making as much money for your client as possible. It is a grave and sombre matter indeed. Terminal, in fact. Which explains why many agencies' premises have the look and feel of a children's ward; decorated with bright, friendly colours and soft, tactile furniture. We put up posters, and play our favourite music; we have toys and teddies at our desks to comfort us. And if there isn't a PS3 or sandpit in the agency there's almost certainly a football table. (We'll all be coming to work in our dressing gowns soon). And this is as much to keep us calm and comfortable as it is the clients. You think when people visit they want to see you anxious and distressed? No! They want to see you playing Halo 3 with the Creative Director.

- Will I be going home soon? I miss my friends.

- Oh, soon enough little Johnny. Soon enough. Just as soon as that artwork's healed.

So. The next time you see a Winnie The Pooh painted on the inside of a window, don't think "paediatric hospital", think "creative agency".

ABOVE: Agency life. Creatives and acount handlers working together.

BELOW: Crisis meeting between a client and creative director.

Look Whose Fat And In Court

Failed rockstar and self-loathing drunken cunt, Barry Belm, 42, pleaded guilty to assault at Preston Crown Court yesterday.

Mr. Justice Yes said something like "Whilst I have not entirely ruled out a custodial sentence, it is likely Mr. Belm will spend much of the winter scraping the piss off public toilets with a razorblade and collecting frozen dogshit. Additionally, a stiff fine will doubtless encumber his family's Christmas this year- unless of course they all ask Santa to bring them some bits of litter and cold turds," he quipped.

Sentencing was adjourned until October, during which time Mr. Belm intends to write a very embarrassing song about his day in court, and dry fuck his weak-chinned hunchback (fish)wife a couple of times. In turn, Mrs. Belm intends to bore their parochial auto-peasant friends to death by talking about the injustice of it all, or until such time as the demons are finally beaten out of her cunt with a special stick.

Married To A Pornstar

- Hello darling.
- Hello darling.
- How's your day?
- I can barely walk.
- No? Oh, dear darling.
- (sigh) It's been non-stop cocks. All day.
- Glass of wine?
- Oh no thanks. I've been on fluids all day...
- Ah.
- What's for dinner?
- Sausages?
- I think I'll just have a bath. My arse feels like train's been through it.

Fwd: wasp and hornet nests

I found this is in my Inbox this morning. Go figure...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: alastair mackie <mackiealastair@hotmail.com>
Date: Sun, Sep 7, 2008 at 7:55 PM
Subject: wasp and hornet nests
To:

Dear Beekeepers,

I hope that you won't mind me contacting you out of the blue. I am an artist working in London, I come from a farm in Cornwall where we keep bees. I have recently made a piece of work out of paper collected from a wasp nest (see image attached). I have a solo show coming up in January next year and am working on a large scale wasp / hornet wood pulp project. Over the last twelve months I have collected approximately two hundred nests (all abandoned during the winter period).I am absolutely desperate to get hold of as much more material and as soon as possible and will be very happy to pay in order to do so.I understand that bee keepers are sometimes asked to deal with wasp and hornet nests. If you think that you can help me please do get in touch, or please do forward this on to anyone else.

Best regards - Alastair Mackie

(+44) 7818 0734XX
http://www.alastairmackie.com/
http://www.allvisualarts.org/

Lesbian Sunrise

Ever wanted to write your own blog-post but don't have your own blog to write it on? Well here's the answer you've been looking for.

Every week I'll be posting a title for you would-be blogsods to respond to. It's easy. Just read the title, get a computer keyboard and then use all of your imagination. That's right - all of it! Squeeze your imagination like a lemon over the pancake of my title.

So here we go. And your title is... "Lesbian Sunrise".

To the fore(skin)

From The Drum's website this afternoon: a sneak preview of some "slightly daring" work from TBWA/Manchester...

'Robert Harwood-Matthews, CEO at TBWA\Manchester, commented; “Within a hugely competitive market, the creative had to be stunningly different, slightly daring and go against existing communication conventions to show how unique Skinbliss is. Collaborating with a fashion photographer to produce the campaign ensured it would give Imperial Leather an exclusive look and enable it to appeal to a new audience.”'

I think it's safe to say that hiring the fashion photographer -as opposed to a forensic or radiographer -was a wise (though slightly daring) move. And photographing an actual woman who has skin too -well... Stunningly different, indeed.

Advertising, eh. Where do they get these ka-ray-zee ideas from?

A Good Book

I'm about to go on holiday, so here's a quick, poe-faced post about holiday reading.

Last time I was away I read Cosmos and Pornographia by Witold Gombrowicz. What can I say about them/him? Well, when I grow up I want to be as good as Gombrowicz. Not many writers make me go all serious and wanky, but Gombrowicz is one of 'em. This is serious, startling literature. Not heavyweight and hard-going, but intellectually rigorous and sooooooo rewarding as a result.

Go and read proper books you plebs. Be challenged and changed and edified. As a certain ad campaign recently "Come back interesting."

So read Gombrowicz. Now please.