Swords

Many people still carry swords. I myself have carried a sword for the greater part of my adult life. Prior to that I had a small bayonet sheathed within my knee-sock. As an adolescent I was presented with a fruity little rapier, and finally gravitated to the mighty Claymore I have with me today.

The Claymore is doubtless a heterosexual sword, unlike -say- the scimitar, which is wobbly and curved like a fussy kind of accessory.

Here are some more people who carry swords:

-Allah
-Jack the Ripper (in a stick)
-Roy Walker
-Dungeons and Dragons "personalities"

If you - or anyone other than you- can think of anyone other than me who carries a sword, let me know.

For now, I have to go back to work.

Ciao xx

Honda My Arse

Check this out. It's a brochure for the 1968 Mazda 110s that makes most W+K's Honda work work look positively tame.

What went wrong with car ads anyway? Why aren't they all like this..! And the copy's ace too ("pleasant cojolery" - genius.)

Art: The Breakfast of Champions

Good morning everybody. (And what a particularly good morning this one is - blue skies all round from my window!)

So what better way to begin another glorious 24 hours on earth than with some art. It's inspiring, nourishing, edifying: good for the soul, dammit.

So with that in mind, off I Googled at 7.30am on a search for some healthy, wholesome cornflakes and culture.

And not long after, lo and behold, I found this:

Charming isn't it. I mean, I don't know how strongly you feel about Margaret Thatcher and Pinochet, but I imagine this is something most of us have considered at some time in our lives, no?

Rat Bags (as it's entitled) is available to buy from the excellent Other Side Gallery for a mere £500. Put it in your bathroom, maybe?

Now. Would you like any pastries with that?

Whiskey!

Finally, finally, finally!

Berry and Fulcher's Snuffbox. DVD 16th June. Best comedy for bleedin' yonks.

If you like The (fucking atrocious) Boosh* then you won't like Snuffbox because it's actually funny and has no eye make-up or glitter in it. No one saw Snuffbox because of the BBC's idiotic, and prudish scheduling. But now's your chance to give it the credit it deserves.

Right. I'm quite excited now.



* If you're a man and a fan of The Boosh, then drop me line. You'll be the first and only one I've ever met.

I Feel We've Lost Something Over The Years...

What YouTube Was Made For

Dear Matthew Holness and Richard Ayoade,

Why did it take you so long to bring Garth Marenghi and Dean Learner to life? Why don't you fuck Avalon productions off and make it all yourself? No excuses. Just look at this vid.

Many thanks

John xx

Seriously though, take a look at Dario Russo and his mates' Italian Spiderman. Granted the world doesn't exactly need another student movie pastiche/parody, and I was even in two minds about posting it. BUT. Italian Spiderman isn't just the film. It's a (hilarious) story about the film, it's producers, cast, crew, history. By pulling together MySpace, YouTube and the good old fashioned t'interweb, Italian Spiderman "authenticates" and augments it's narrative right across the winky-wanky Web 2.0 world.

And you thought YouTube was just Jackass in purgatory, didn't you.

Did You Watch It Then?

(Tony Danbury? BBC News, actually).

Did you watch then? Well - did you? 'Course you bloody did.

So, was Difficult Worth Doing? Was the history of advertising changed by the world's first live commercial?

Erm... for me? Nah. Not especially. The best bit of was actually the direction - brilliantly mixed and "staged". The little shot of the "Jump when light turns green" sign was nice touch. All the shots of inside, outside, alongside - it was a proper little film in that sense. And then - oh shit! - that's where the whole concept breaks down. Doh! It was just too damn slick. A YouTube event/moment rendered using studio technique - whathefuck!? Christ, as if the adverts to advertise the advert weren't postmodern enough for you, the serpent doesn't just swallow its tail, it sucks its own cock too.

Live TV has its own vernacular. If something's "live" and meant to be "difficult", convention dictates that we need a Mike Smith anchorman awaiting the helicoptor crash. "Live" commericals already exist: The National Lottery, X Factor, that fucking Lloyd-Webber thing on BBC1. Why don't Honda just sponsor Record Breakers or something? Well, you know what Mr. Creative Director - I'm a pleb right? and I might be a bit thick and that, but I've seen skydiving loads of times. I've seen it in films and telly and all sorts. That Honda thing weren't anywhere near as good as Point Break. I don't see what all the fuss is about. I'm turing back over to watch Britain's Got Talent with that Piers Morgan fella...

...[Actually I fucking despise Piers Morgan. He looks like his face is made of necks, with proper little arse-kissers lips. "I think you've got REAL talent" he says to some peasant juggler, nose in the air, as though he's trying to sniff caviar over their shoulder. Cunt].